As a mother, I can categorically say that it isn’t easy to bring up children without making some mistakes as parents. Especially teenagers through to children in their twenties who are still living at home with parents. Some people say, there are no booklets or guidelines on how to bring up children, yes, they are right. The most difficult aspect is understanding, accepting and knowing your children thoroughly because that is where the challenge lies. How can you accept a child’s behaviour when such a child might come up with a ridiculous demand. For instance, if a child says, she or he will like to become a parent at 16 years old instead of focusing on their education, what do you say? Don’t you know that will be hard for the child to believe you love him or her until such child makes a mistake and learn from it?

Over the weekend, I had two meetings with a couple of women in the medical field, one explained that some children who had everything parents could ever give their children will still go out there to misbehave or join wrong gangs. She gave me a reason that in the United Kingdom, for instance, there are either rich class or low class without the social middle class. Hence the reason why some youths will prefer to go on the streets to mix or interact with those who can relate to them and speak their language (those people are boys and girls in gangs or wrong crowds on the street).  She referred to the united states of America, where there are three main classes for children to fit in.

Let’s not forget that we might be good parents but it isn’t always easy to understand what our children are thinking sometimes if they refuse to confide in us but rather say, I am fine daddy or I am fine mummy, don’t worry!

How do we listen and understand our children

I cannot remember the week where my children and I never said ‘I love you or are you alright love‘ to each other except it falls within those days, where they can’t get their way if you get my point. No, they will not like dad or mum if they are been told off, would they? Thinking they can get their irrational way! Smiles. My point is this, always make your decision known but try to leave a bit of room for flexibility. You might see sense in what they want, later on, trust me.  We sometimes get carried away by business, meetings, job, life or situations, but always remember to check on your children. 

Children can be so funny sometimes, so even though they say, mum or dad, ‘I am alright leave me alone’, they might need you. Watch their behaviour and attitude to see what’s changed, you might need to be more observant. If you see something odd or awkward, call them and sit with them. Be calm while listening to them, I sometimes just say it straight and blunt, ‘tell me what’s going on, I am your mother tell me’ (I will later reduce my tone to fit their mood). Then I will realise that the soft and kind words penetrate through their mind quicker than my harsh words. 

Do not deflate your children’s joy or expectations; when your children are in a good mood or expecting good news either from you, their job, university, or college, please refrain from shouting or accusing them of being lazy for not doing the chores or anything like that. How did I know, I have heard some people annoy their children like that, which I personally, have done that in the past too. 

Parents must accept their mistakes; as parents, try to learn from your mistakes, remembering that these children do have feelings too so, do not repeat the mistake again. If you do, avoid it the next time and make up for it until you learn a better pattern to relate to your children. Don’t allow your children to join the wrong crowd or gangs out there where some people blame single parents.

Parents should not be too big or arrogant to apologise to their children; I sometimes send lovely, inspiring, and encouraging messages to my children, I sing for them, pray for them and make them happy. Once I am guilty of annoying them which I do sometimes as a human being with flaws, I apologise unreservedly. They love that. 

Take time to listen to your children because these days, depression sadly affects so many young people who never say it out. Let us avoid suicide by talking to them and going with them to see a doctor. 

Appreciate them often and praise them whenever they deserve it. Don’t overdo it though. Smiles.

Let their problems be your problems too

Introduce them to self-help and encouraging blogs like this. Tinu’s secrets to success part 1 & Tinu’s eight secrets to remain positive part 2.    Positve blogs like these are so uplifting and enlightening. 

Lecture them on how to understand how they need to work hard in life before making headway or success.

Can we always know our children?

We love our children as dads and mums but don’t forget that we will only know what we are supposed to know or what our children allow us to know about them. When we see children looking happy, reading more books than playing out or playing with his or her devices, wouldn’t we call such a child a good boy or girl? Little would the parents know that such a child is mixing with gangs or wrong clique out there. No matter how good we are to our children these days, we might not know them well in some areas, but we will try our best. Why do you see some children acting like saints at home but leading and living a dangerous life outside? Let’s try and hear them out. Children are not the same, we still love them!

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